


Off on the Wrong Foot

by DesertSkald



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Crack, Dragon courting, Gen, Inappropriate Uses of Restoration Magic, M/M, Skyrim Kink Meme, Yeah that's a tag that's going to be a one work wonder lol, according to dragons anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 08:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11353890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertSkald/pseuds/DesertSkald
Summary: When dragons are healed by anyone, even a mortal, they consider it a profession of love. Nobody told the Dragonborn this, so how was Erandur supposed to know?





	Off on the Wrong Foot

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Meme, prompt was crack of dragons having the hots for elder men. (Originally posted on 3/20/2016)

Jo'shan walked back down the Mountain slowly, trying to think of a way to explain all he had learned. Or understand it. On a certain level, it made sense. Mostly it didn't. By most people's standards, it was the craziest, nonsensical thing he'd ever heard of.

  
He found Erandur pacing a groove into the seventh step of seven thousand, just past the bridge. The old Dunmer looked ready to faint from relief - or perhaps heatstroke - when he caught sight of Jo'shan.

  
“Jo'shan? Did you find out why he's been acting this way?”

  
“Yes, yes, Jo'shan and his old friend had a long discussion about Odahviing's uh... behavior.”

  
“And?”

  
Jo'shan rubbed the back of his neck and winced. He really didn't want to explain this and his tail was twitching just thinking about it.

  
“It uh, would appear that for dragons eh... Dragons, you understand, they do not have Shouts for healing, or restoration.”

  
“They prefer to burn or freeze everything, I've noticed.”

  
“Yes well, it seems they do know some skills for restoration but they... they only use it when there's uh...” Moons, he could feel his tail bushing up. “Feelings, for each other.”

  
“Feelings?” Erandur frowned.

  
“Eehhh... You know?”

  
Erandur's face fell. “You're not serious-”

  
“So... when you healed Odahviing-”

  
“ _He was injured!_ He couldn't fly! What was I suppose to do, let him _walk_ to the Throat? Just leave him there with the bandits?”

  
“Yes but to dragons, being healed is a- a sign of courtship. Like an Amulet of Mara.”

  
“Nobody told me this!”

  
“Nobody told Jo'shan about Amulets of Mara.” Jo'shan remarked bitterly, flattening his ears.

  
Erandur rubbed his face and sighed. “I _apologize_ about that. I am very, truly sorry. But Farkas only chased you around the Companions training grounds. He doesn't leave dead animals on your doorstep.”

  
“They are mostly small ones-”

  
“He dropped a mammoth outside Nightcaller Temple!”

  
Jo'shan rubbed his neck again. “Yes, this one remembers...”

  
“A _whole_ mammoth! Beitild and Leigelf came to blows over who had the better claim to it! I just got those two talking again and-”

  
“Erandur, Erandur: this is known to Jo'shan.” He said, holding his hands up.

  
“I know. I know, I'm sorry, Jo'shan. It's just... Mara's love...” Erandur sighed and glanced up at the mountain, rubbing his arms. “I could leave Skyrim. If you think that would...?”

  
Jo'shan shook his head. “This one does not think it would help.”

  
“What do I _do?_ There must be something we can do. Dragons must have some way of- of breaking off engagements?”

  
“With their teeth.” Jo'shan remarked darkly.

  
Erandur paled, draining from a dark blue-grey to the color of ash. “Alright then, maybe not...”

  
They stood there, thinking at the foot of the Throat. Erandur would wave his hand like he was about to say something, think better of it, and go back to tugging at his beard.

  
Jo'shan kicked a rock and kept silent. He had already discussed every possible scenario with the Old One. Paarthurnax insisted that dragon betrothals were a very solemn thing: they mated for life. There was no way out of this, but at least he would not have to worry much about the old priest living alone. The real trouble was if Odahviing dropped a mammoth on the ground again, and did not look beforehand.

  
A roar rang out above them. Erandur looked up, very, very anxious.

  
“Is that-?”

  
“Odahviing, yes.” He really could not resist the jab. It was meant to be friendly. “Your boyfriend.”

  
Erandur shot him a very unpriestly look.

  
A growing shadow over them - and the rest of the Steps - made them look up.

  
“Look out!”

  
Jo'shan tackled Erandur to the ground. The largest frost troll either of them had seen splattered on the ground and cracked the stone where they'd been standing. Jo'shan screamed, his leg trapped beneath what remained of the troll.

  
“Jo'shan! Are you alright? Let me help-”

  
“ _ODAHVIING_!” Jo'shan Shouted, his Voice eerily similar to that of a lion whose tail was stepped on.

  
The red dragon plummeted several hundred feet - no doubt realizing that he was in trouble - before circling gracefully down to their level. He flew a little fancier when he saw Erandur, doing spins and roaring quietly. If a dragon could roar quietly. Erandur, for his part, pulled his hood down further and groaned.

  
Odahviing settled on the Steps, to the startled screams of Rorikstead. He tucked his head under a wing to clean it very quickly (he thought they wouldn't notice) before stopping, his eye wide. The Red Dragon peered down at Jo'shan; at Jo'shan's leg underneath his gift for Erandur.

  
“Dovahkiin has had enough of this foolishness, Red One.” Jo'shan growled, waving his arms around. “You will stop this at once! You will kill someone, Odahviing! And it was nearly Dovahkiin!”

  
“Thuri, krosis. I am sorry you were not injured. But-”

  
“ _But nothing!_ This ridiculous courting ritual of- of dropping things from sky _ends now!_ ”

  
Erandur crawled as discreetly as he could around the troll, so Jo'shan was between him and the dragon. He tried to use his staff as a fulcrum to lift the troll up but it was so heavy and there was very little of it in one piece. Jo'shan yowled in pain as the staff tapped his leg.

  
“Jo'shan, hold still-”

  
“It _hurts!_ ” Jo'shan roared, spittle hitting Erandur's face.

  
Erandur jammed the staff underneath and lifted up, holding the staff in the crook of his neck and pulling Jo'shan's leg free by the knee. Jo'shan curled up and howled, clutching his shin. Erandur tried to get a hand on him - ignoring the glowing way Odahviing watched this proceeding - but Jo'shan kept pulling away.

  
“If you'd sit still it wouldn't hurt as much!” He huffed and placed both hands just over the very twisted ankle, pouring healing magic into the foot. “There. Is that better?” Erandur asked, focusing on the Dragonborn's leg.

 

There was no answer.

 

“Jo'shan?”

  
He looked up. Jo'shan was not so much pale - Khajiit didn’t pale - but his eyes were wide and his ears faced the back of his head. The color drained from Erandur's face. Dragons courted using Restoration magic, and he had just healed Jo'shan.

 

In front of Odahviing.

  
“Oh Mara, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking-”

  
“Dovahkiin? What is-?”

  
“Yes! Dovahkiin has already claimed this one!” Jo'shan said loudly without turning around. “In fact, Dovahkiin went up the mountain _looking_ for you, Odahviing, to explain this to you.”

  
The look on Odahviing's face, Erandur almost wanted to tell Jo'shan it was alright. Then he remembered the mammoth. And the frost troll that recently nearly killed him. He kept his mouth shut.

  
“Krosis. My apologies, thuri. I was... uninformed.”

  
“Yes well, the gifts will stop, yes? You will stop breaking Dovahkiin's foot, _yeesss_?”

  
Odahviing lowered his head to the dirt. “You have my word, thuri.”

  
“Then go. Dovahkiin is very mad with you, does not want to do something rash.”

  
Odahviing lifted off and flew away silently, turning behind the mountain and climbing out of sight. Jo'shan growled and laid down, covering his eyes with his arm.

  
“Well, your skies are clear again, Erandur. All it cost us was a foot...”

  
“I'm so sorry, Jo'shan.”

  
“Erandur. Stop apologizing. You are fine. Jo'shan needs to stay home anyway, clean out those barrels of armor. Lydia has been complaining there is nowhere to put anything. It is just armor, swords, knicknacks...” He sighed. “And spending time with the little ones will make the days go faster...”

  
Jo'shan rolled over, attempting to stand up. Erandur supported him, helping him walk across the bridge where he'd left their horses. He wasn't sure how much he was helping.

  
“Does this mean we are boyfriends?” Jo'shan asked, a dancing light in his eyes.

  
Erandur stared at him, wondering if the Dragonborn was joking or not. His eyes narrowed.

  
“If you're going to kiss me, I want a ring first.”

  
Jo'shan threw back his head and laughed. They continued hobbling along through town, Jo'shan laughing and Erandur muttering seriously.

  
“And a quiet ceremony - in Riften. And kids.”

  
“This one has two children-”

  
“No, _more_. There's a little Redguard orphan that runs errands in Dawnstar. And enough money to restore the Temple; I can't do it all by myself. -I know you have money. You have bags of it, Jo'shan. And you'll stop this dungeon delving nonsense- you're going to do more than hurt your foot...”


End file.
